


in the back of the car as the lights go by

by whitchry9



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: First Aid, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Roadside surgery, this boy is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 21:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19093654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9
Summary: Five is elbows deep in Klaus’s stomach and Klaus would laugh at the whole situation if it wouldn’t hurt so much.





	in the back of the car as the lights go by

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: roadside surgery
> 
> Title is from the poem by Richard Siken

“Hold still,” Five demands, and Klaus would laugh except it would counter the instructions he was just given and also would hurt. A lot.

 

So instead he sticks to rolling his eyes and waving lazily in the direction of Ben, who was looking on with concern. He was a bit incorporeal at the minute, due to Klaus being… not at his best, and couldn’t do much to help except supervise and attempt to keep Klaus focused and awake.

 

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” Diego snaps.

Klaus doesn’t even need to look at Five to know he’s glaring at Diego like he’s an idiot.

“I’m sorry, who out of all of us has been trained to work as an assassin, which includes being able to do field first aid, even on yourself?”

Klaus was trained as a soldier, but he doesn’t think it’s relevant at this point, and also doesn’t want to face Five’s wrath if he tries to speak again.

 

“I need to get the bullet out, which means I’m going to need one of your knives. Unless you’d like to do the cutting,” Five tells Diego pointedly.

Over his head, Klaus can see Diego pale. He hands over a knife. Klaus would find it hilarious if it wasn’t him the cutting referred to.

 

“What happened to not removing things from wounds?” Luther calls from the front seat.

“I’d love to leave the bullet in him until we got to anywhere, but the assholes lace their bullets with a toxin. The longer it stays in him…”

Five doesn’t finish his sentence. Doesn’t need to.

“Pull over,” he orders. “I’m going to need you to hold him down.”

Klaus very much does not like the sound of that. To be fair, there’s not much about this backseat surgery he’s enjoying, but it seems like it’s only going to get worse.

 

Luther slams on the brakes, and Klaus nearly falls off the backseat.

“Careful!” Diego hisses at him. He props Klaus back on the bench seat, crouching in front of him. “You doing okay?”

“Oh yeah, just delightful. I’m really living for this fun new opportunity.”

“Stop talking,” Five orders, climbing onto his knees. “Luther, hold his upper body still. Diego, I’m going to need you to help remove the blood so I can see. Ben,” Five hesitates, eyes darting around, searching for his brother that he cannot see. “Ben I need you to keep him distracted and awake.”

Five pins down his knees, sitting his bony ass down. Man, they needed to feed the kid more pb&m sandwiches. Luther’s face filled his field of vision, which wasn’t really what Klaus wanted to see if he was going to die, but whatever.

 

Cold fingers pressed against his stomach, and that was all the warning Klaus got before there was a knife tearing him open, widening the wound that the bullet had made.

He kicks reflexively, but that only makes the pain worse. He wants to pass out. He wants to be anywhere but there. He yearns for the blissful dark quiet of unconsciousness.

“Diego, the blood,” Five orders, and something is wiping the wet off his stomach.

Surely Luther could have knocked him out. Surely there was something they could do so Klaus wasn’t experiencing hack saw surgery in the backseat of their family car, at the side of the road in the middle of fucking nowhere.

 

“Klaus, breathe. I know how bad this is. But you need to breathe. Breathe through the pain.”

 

Klaus has gotten very good at ignoring Ben over the years he’s been his ghostly shadow, but now he clings to his voice.

 

Klaus looks to Ben pleadingly. He’s moved to the vacant front seat.

 

Ben has also gotten good at reading Klaus over these years. He knows that Klaus needs a distraction.

“Allison and Vanya are going to be pretty mad you got hurt on this mission. Only you could get shot on a stakeout.”

Five seems to have his entire arm in Klaus’s abdomen, or at least it feels that way.

“We were supposed to go out for ice cream tonight. And don’t say you can still go,” Ben warned. “You’ll be out of commission for a while. And no, they won’t go without you, you idiot,” he said fondly.

More blood is being wiped away. His vision is greying out towards the edges, and he’s not sure if it’s from the pain or blood loss. Or maybe whatever toxin Five mentioned when he wasn’t listening.

“I think you will be able to use this to your advantage. I think they’ll let you pick the movie for movie night. I think it’s Luther’s turn, which probably means some war thriller, but if you look pathetic enough, he’ll cave. And that’s if Allison doesn’t suggest it could be your turn.”

“I’m thinking… something animated,” he mumbles.

Ben smiles at him. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

 

“Klaus, open your eyes,” Luther orders.

“To look at you? No thanks.” He doesn’t actually recall closing them.

Ben snickers from the front seat. “Come on Klaus. You’ve made him all sad.”

Klaus cracks one eye open, and indeed, Luther’s face looks… something. Something sad.

“Sorry big guy,” Klaus tells him, the words all jumbling up in his mouth. He wants to reach up and pat Luther’s face but he’s not sure where his arms are. The pain in his stomach is overwhelming. Maybe Five climbed all the way in there to find the bullet. Surely that’s the only explanation for the pain.

 

“Got it!” Five announces, holding up something that glints in the light, both it and he absolutely covered in blood.

“Oh good,” Klaus sighs, and it’s only then that he falls blessedly unconscious. About damn time.


End file.
